3 Children, a Secret, and a one bedroom apartment.

When this started seven months ago; the family had to come together and decide what was the best way for us to all go about this. The truth was, yes, I had cancer, and we didn’t know what to expect next. Clearly the concern was life or death. Was I going to be ok? We still don’t know in the end whether or not the end result will be in our favor. Of course things are going well now. We haven’t seen any more scans since the surgery and they appeared to have positive results. So we feel that things are going well and will continue to do so. One decision we made was to not tell the children I have cancer. I have three chemotherapy sessions left and no, they still don’t know.

During the Christmas break the family was down here on what the children considered a vacation. A Christmas vacation. Physically, I was going through major side effects. Emotionally, I was a wreck. So much to hide and I live in a one bedroom apartment. We fit nine people in a one bedroom apartment, with a bed, an air mattress, two couches and a big secret known as Cancer. Two specific moments come to mind, how did we get through them?

Bone Pain is something cancer patients go through because our white counts become low. We take a medication, either Neupogen or Neulasta. I take both depending on which chemo I am going through. This specific time around I had to take my Neupogen and lucky for me the day of my bone pain came on Christmas day. Answer this: How do you hurt from your head to your toes and hide it from 3 children while they are trying to run around, open their toys, and have a big Christmas dinner? Answer: Very calmly. I spent half the day hiding in the bedroom and the other half of the day hiding on the couch. No matter where I was hiding I was shaking. When I couldn’t get away, I struggled. But I kept myself from shaking. Avoided them seeing what was really there. I masked the pain, I sucked it up and I made sure that Christmas was the only Big C that mattered. Even at one point I ran away to my mothers just to be able to shake and sweat without anyone seeing me. Ran to Walgreens to “buy batteries.” Anything I could do to avoid them noticing what was really going on. We succeeded. We passed the test. Five months later, the secret is still safe. We survived Christmas day.

There was another moment that occurred during the boys Christmas vacation. This moment is more of a private moment for me. But I wish to share it with you guys because that is what all of this is about right now. If I want my story out there, why shouldn’t everyone know the stories that I have held inside me. In Orlando there is a big IMAX theater and we took the kids to see Avatar as a Christmas present. That was all well and good and we clearly enjoyed ourselves. At one point however, I had a breakdown. You see, when the kids came out of the movie, it was Capitol One Bowl Weekend and they were having a big party in the area for everyone to celebrate in the festivities. The kids got to play on this cool Rock Band set up where everyone was gathered around and would wait to sing and play the instruments for the crowd. Christopher and my fiance Nikki were playing the guitars, Joseph was on the drums and Michael was singing his butt off to “Life is a Highway.” I watched my family have a blast, sing this song, and let it rip. And all I could think to myself was, what if I miss these moments. What if these are the last few I get. I don’t want to miss moments like this. I had to leave. I walked, and cried, and hid my face from all the others that were walking the area around me. It was so embarrassing, but at the same time, I had no choice. It just poured out of me. Life is a Highway. All we can do is ride it.

Life’s like a road that you travel on
When there’s one day here and the next day gone

Sometimes you bend sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There’s a world outside every darkened Door
Where blues won’t haunt you anymore
Where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won’t hesitate break down the garden gate
There’s not much left today

Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you’re going my way
I want to drive it all night long

Through all the cities and all these towns
It’s in my blood and it’s all around
I love you now like I loved you then
This is the road and these are the hands
From mozambique to those memphis nights
The khyber pass to vancouver’s lights
Knock me down get back up again
You’re in my blood I’m not a lonely man

There’s no load I can’t hold
Road so rough this I know
I’ll be there when the light comes in
Tell ’em we’re Survivors

There was a distance between you and I
A misunderstanding once but now
We look it in the eye

There’s no load I can’t hold
Road so rough this I know
I’ll be there when the light comes in
Tell ’em we’re survivors

Updates on the Film:
-I am working on the 3rd draft of the film. Right now it is more of a dialogue edit. Trying to keep things crisp.

-We are having plenty of traffic on both the wordpress.com blog site which is what you are on now. And we have over 500 views for our donation site which is Indiegogo.com/Beat-That Please help show your support, if you can. Traffic is great so I feel confident the word is getting out there. Hopefully we can reach our goal.

-I have been looking actively for which camera to buy. I’m thinking between a Canon XL-2 and the Panasonic AG DVX100B. If anyone has any better recommendations please let me know.

-We also look to have a makeup artist and special FX team starting to build for the film. I don’t want to jinx it but I believe in the next few days I will be naming some names as people that have officially joined the crew. Stay tuned, things are really starting to look good.

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